I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
