I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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