the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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