okay pat passed out under dana's car
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I didn't notice because vodka
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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