Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
