I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
