Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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