im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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