Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
