Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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