Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I would ride that face into the sunset
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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