No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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