Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
