Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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