Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
