You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
