we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
