And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
be right there i have to get my cape
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
