So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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