I will die if light touches me.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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