I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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