So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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