I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
