Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize