Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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