(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
