I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
