I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
