Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
