nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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