Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
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We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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