Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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