Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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