At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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