Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
