Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I will pee on everything he values.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
