How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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