if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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