I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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