I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I didn't notice because vodka
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
