Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
