***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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