I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
