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She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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