i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
