Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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