dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
