their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
