happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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