you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
