You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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