if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
