She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
