I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
