Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
