if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
