Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
