Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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