jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
