I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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