all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
