I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
