If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
