Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize