people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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