I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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