You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
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