she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
